what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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