It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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