i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
