I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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