Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize