Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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