Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
