I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
