The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
