she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's shark week go big or go home
I smell like Dick and happiness
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
