I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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