Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
