good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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