we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
