well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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