i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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