Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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