You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
