Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
