the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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