I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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