Got a toothbrush?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
