Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
