So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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