I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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