I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
