my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
