Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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