maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
