I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
