Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
