god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
