I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize