i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
