babies were throwing up all over the place
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
