So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
