Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
