Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
