First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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