I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
