Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
