Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
