Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
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