as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
