I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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