Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
