Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I queefed so loud it echoed.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
