Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
