Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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