you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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