Screwed.edu
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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