Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
