Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
