did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
