I love black thongs
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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