Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
