wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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