shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
