I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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