Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You pole danced in your parka.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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