Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
