I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize