If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My ass is underappreciated
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
