Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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