I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
