Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
