Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
someone owes me an orgasm
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Randomize
