I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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