It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize