Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
