she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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