I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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