i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
