One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
