I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
