Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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