My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
