I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
