I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
