Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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