I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
