Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
